Shucks!

I actually feel better this evening, almost all my symptoms have disappeared, just like that. I feel a bit better. 

I had a niggling feeling it was all too good to be true. Maybe something is 'trying' to happen but my body hasn't fully healed to carry it through. I don't feel any better emotionally anyway. The whole thing sucks!! I'm going to bed.

8dpo

I woke up this afternoon extremely tired and went back to sleep for 3 more hours. I'm still sleepy with a raging headache pounding away in my head. Yesterday I almost dropped dead due to tiredness. I wish I could sleep all day.

Also started having some sharp pains in where seems to be my left ovary today. I still have the 'balloon' feeling in my lower abdomen. The butt pain, not so much as before.

The right sides of my bbs started hurting yesterday. I've been expecting it but they don't usually hurt this much until a couple of days before af starts. They also seem to have grown bigger and definitely feel heavier.

For the past 4 days I've had what seems to feel like a sore throat. But it's not really a sore throat. Feels more like that scratchy feeling you get in your throat when you're about to have a cold/flu. I feel feverish. My temp is a bit high.

As for cm, it literally feels like the sahara desert down there. It's been that way since I ov which is different because I only go dry a week to when af starts.

I'm trying not to be too excited about feeling this useless, but I would definitely feel miserable if all my symptoms suddenly stopped. Can't wait for my 2ww to be over with. All my hpt tests have come back with a bfn... the whole experience is nerve wrecking to say the least!

5dpo... reeling out the symptoms.

I'm only writing this for the sake of the future so I'll know how I felt during this particular lp. I only have a couple of symptoms so far. The butt pain is not as frequent and persistent as it has been the last few days. It's been coming and going since I woke this morning, lasting only a few seconds and it didn't bother me at all during the night unlike previously when it woke me up a couple of times. I love my sleep, and for something to wake me up, well, I wasn't happy about it!

The twinges are also not as palpable, but I still feel like someone inflated a little balloon and placed it in my lower abdomen. I feel like my belt is too tight when it's where it's always been. General feeling of discomfort down there with an occasional dull aching.

I don't have any cravings or food aversions, though I could very well manufacture them if I wanted to. I've gone through some websites like TwoWeekWait and some of the symptoms are just dodgy. How can you get symptoms when the potential baby is still a bunch of undifferentiated cells clustered together?

Yes, I know I'm a huge critic and the rational part of my brain overrides the emotional part sometimes. I'm just wondering because I know when I'm feeling something and when I want to feel something. I prefer to err on the side of scepticism.

All my symptoms could mean nothing. Dh travels a lot and whenever he's gone for months and we bd I always get dodgy pains afterwards - different kinds of dodgy pains I must say. I wish I had documented last months lp when we hadn't bd so I would know exactly how my normal lp's felt so as to have some kind of yardstick.

Still, the waiting continues!

4dpo... err... I meant 3dpo!

I actually think I ov on Tuesday 13th, so I'm 3dpo. I started having the pain in the butt again today and felt some fluttering in my lower abdomen. It could be nothing. I mean, when you're 'expecting' something every single detail is registered. It's probable I felt the same last month but didn't pay any attention because I wasn't 'expecting' anything. But to be on the safe side, I've stopped taking all my herbs. Just my folic acid and multivits, eating healthy and doing what I've been doing for the past 5 months.   

To be honest I won't be surprised if I get a bfn because we hadn't done the bd in over a month and Dh got back on Sunday, so we did the bd on Sunday and Tuesday. I didn't want us doing it everyday because it turns out he has low sperm count!!!!!! This came as a surprise because he told me everything was okay. I insisted that I had to see the test results myself; he's got just 6 million; that's below half of 'normal' (20 million). I couldn't believe my eyes! 

Where in the world is that 'okay'????? I'm such an idiot. I so wanted to believe everything was okay I didn't bother asking what the figures were. I was pissed off, I still am pissed off, but I'm keeping it in because that will be counter productive. If I had let it rip we'd have ended up having a huge fight and not doing any bd, and Lord knows we can go for days without talking to each other when that happens.

It could be attributed to stress, says the doc, if that's the case (and I hope it is) then there is still hope. We've both been under an incredible amount of stress lately, I'm even surprised I ov in spite of it. It turned out my crippling headaches were stress related not met related because all my blood work came back normal.

It's been bad, seriously, there was a point last month when we thought we wouldn't have a roof over our heads this month. But our prayers were answered at the last minute. The financial crisis hit us HARD. Things have been tough with a capital T. Makes me wonder if I'll have the emotional countenance to carry a child through this trying period. 

I pray for strength!

Butt Pain Extraordinaire!

As far back as I can remember, I always get an incredible butt pain around the time I ov. It's hard to understand what my rectum has to do with my ovaries, but for some weird reason when I'm ov-ing they ARE connected. It's so painful the first few hours that I can't sit down, poop or fart.

For many years now no doctor has been able to tell me what's going on. They usually tell me it's just my hormones and tell me to take pain killers and have a lie down. So I gave up asking for an explanation. But this time the pain has lingered now for over two days, not as intense, but there none the less.

I've been doing some online research, and my symptoms seem to echo those of endometreosis.

Ovulation pain can occur in women who do not have Endometriosis, but this pain will normally be a small twinge. In women with Endometriosis, ovulation pain can be rather acute. Pain usually begins 12-24 hours before ovulation and may last for a few days. It results from the normal enlargement of the ovary during ovulation which causes stretching of endometrial implants and adhesions lying on the surface of the ovary. The pain is often described as ‘stabbing’ and it may radiate throughout the pelvic area and into the buttocks and thighs. 

 I don't WANT to have endometreosis, in fact, I'd rather not have it, but if I did, it would explain the pain and give me some peace of mind - in terms of knowing what the heck has been going on all these years.

My main fear is that it'll affect my chances of conceiving. This won't be the first time that we did the bd while I had ewcm AND the royal pain the butt and nothing happened. If nothing happens this cycle, I'll have to fight to have myself checked out for endometriosis. I'm not going to be told in a patronizing tone to swallow two pills of ibuprofen and lie down!

I don't know why some doctors treat you like a whiny two year old when you complain about menstrual problems. It's like they think it's all in my head and I'm making up stories. Honestly which woman with her head screwed on correctly wants to make up wild stories just so she can have a total stranger poke around her lady bits?

Anyway, I've officially started my 2ww. I already feel miserable, thinking the worse... I pray for strength!