Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Don't Give Up!

It's hard when you have PCOS, you feel your body has turned against you. It's even harder when you're trying to conceive and everyone else around is getting pregnant. It's annoying when people say things like, 'your time will come', or 'relax, it will happen', over and over again. Aside from the infertility aspect of it, it's equally annoying when people look at you and think you're a glutton and wonder why you just can't lose the weight and be normal like everyone else. It is really hard for us, and not just the physical aspect of it, but the psychological aspect too; depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, etc.

Everyday is a battle; a battle with your body, and a battle against those that just don't understand and are all too eager to venture unsolicited opinions.

Whatever life throws our way, I personally believe that everything happens for a reason and God does not place a burden on us that's more than we can bear. God does not make mistakes. He gives us challenges so that we become stronger and seek a deeper meaning to our life.

Having PCOS has taught me not to take things for granted. It's taught me not to envy others for what comes easy to them; knowing full well that we all have our unique challenges in life. It's taught me not to let other peoples opinions of me get me down. Being diagnosed explained a lot of things, and helped me understand myself and my body. I know now that this body has been entrusted to me and I am responsible for it. It may not always do what I want, but must take care of it to the best of my abilities.

With PCOS you can either get philosophical about it, look at the positives and rise above it, or you can chose to let it drag you down and wallow in self-pity. I choose the former.

Overcoming Infertility.
Early this year I realized something; that it's possible I may never have children. No woman wants to be told this, no woman want's to hear it and no woman wishes it on herself, but the sad reality is that NOT ALL women will be able to have children; PCOS or no PCOS. It dawned on me that what if I was one of them. Why then should I be miserable, grumpy and angry at those that pop out baby after baby effortlessly? Why should I bow to society's closeted definition of what I ought to be? Why should I feel bad when people make stupid comments and why should I look away, slightly ashamed and deflated when others look at me with pity, as if I was lacking a major appendage, when they ask how many children I have?

I remember that day clearly. It was on a weekend and Dh had traveled. When this realization came to me I was overcome with grief. I grieved that day for the child (children) I may never have. I cried my eyes out as if I'd truly lost a child. For hours, I just cried. I let out all the anger, pain and frustration. Then I dried my eyes and for the first time I understood, and it finally sunk into my head that everything is by God's Will. I promised myself not to be miserable, to approach conceiving with a very level head and to do my best, and to accept whatever comes to me. After that I was able to be happy, genuinely happy, for others whenever I heard about their pregnancy or child birth.

It's a personal journey we all have to make. For me it wasn't the end of the world. And if it turned out that I couldn't have children despite everything and I was blessed financially, I would adopt orphans instead. That was my Plan B; to enrich the lives of others rather than wallowing in what I didn't get. I've always loved children. It breaks my heart to see them suffering through no fault of theirs.

I am thankful for all I have now, for Bob who we wanted and waited for but never saw coming, and I always pray for those that are trying to succeed in their quest for motherhood. May all you Cysters be blessed in your efforts; whether it's seeking a healthier life or trying to have a baby.

"May God grant us all the serenity to accept the things that we can't change, the ability to change what we can and the wisdom to know the difference."


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