October 2010

I wish I was one of those people that disappear from their blogs for a while then come back and report that they are pregnant or that all their dreams have come true or they're finally as thin as a celery stick, etc. Sadly that is not to be the case. I haven't blogged in ages because I've been trying to keep my head above water. A lot of shittty things have been happening to me lately, been trying not to get sucked into the vortex of depression, among others. But I still thank God for all I’m blessed with. I have a handle on it now, hopefully.

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To continue where I left off. My last appointment at the fertility clinic went well. They took my history and gave me dates to come in for blood tests, HSG and an intra-vag ultrasound.

The first blood test on CD28 was last week Monday. Unfortunately the second test which was supposed to be on CD2 fell on Saturday so I will have to postpone it until next month and pray it doesn't fall on a weekend again. I have sent them an email to book an appointment for the HSG, waiting to hear from them tomorrow.

My scan is in Nov and then we have the first follow up appointment in Jan 2011 to review all our test results and plan where to go from there. 

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On a positive front - several positive fronts, actually - I've started losing weight again and getting closer to my target weight. Yey! This is months after Met screwed up everything for me. I started Tae Bo and its no coincidence that my period has gone from 35/36 days to 32days this month. I pray it's not just a fluke.

At some point fatigue began to rear it’s ugly head, no thanks to the depression. I started sleeping for more than 16 hrs daily, and still was feeling tired. I refused to entertain it though. I absolutely refused to regress after all those months of hard work!

So I researched online for herbal remedies to boost thyroid function, came across Kelp and marched my still thundery thighs down to the pharmacy to get me some.  I take it before every meal. I also take coconut oil daily to boost metabolism. I had to literally force myself to work out, I felt dizzy at times, but the weight is coming off and my energy levels are going back up. Now my body actually craves exercise.... I start to feel funny on days when I don't work out! What's amazing is that I've only been doing Tae Bo for a few weeks, I'm not even able to complete the whole session, yet my arms are already showing definition. My biceps are hard, yo! 

I didn't do much herbs last month. Nutritionally all I did was boost my fibre intake. I now combine my daily oats breakfast routine with wheat bran and oat bran and of course, cinnamon. I take two tablespoons of raw flaxseeds - soaked in hot water for at least 30minutes to soften 'em up then chew like a mofo (excellent jawxercise, lol) tastes great, actually.

I started Psyllium husk - just one teaspoon in a large cup of water. Women are recommended to take flax seeds the first half of their cycle before ovulation and sesame seed in the second half. I take my flaxseed daily except for when I'm on my period, then I just take only a teaspoon with my morning oats. 

I noticed as long as I don't touch refined foods I don't 'struggle' with my weight. But as soon as I start eating those things, even if I eat it in tiny quantities, or I eat say, white rice with tonnes of veggies, I still struggle. I eat only brown rice these days and whole wheat bread. 

I only did the castor oil therapy a couple of times when I felt ovarian pain after ovulation. 

The only PMS symptom I had was the pain on the sides of my bbs, but they appeared a few days before AF and disappeared as soon as AF started. Here are a list of other PCOS and PMS symptoms I used to have, but no longer have:

• Acne (my face, back, bum and chest are still marked by its evil scars!)
• Oily skin
• Dodgy hairs on my chest and chesticles
• Bleeding or spotting in-between periods and after BD
• Irregular or absent periods
• Long periods - that last about 7 days
• Heavy periods with ginormous clots and painful cramps
• Lack of ovulation
• Sweet tooth and craving for carbs
• Extreme PMS symptoms

Thankfully things are more 'normal' now. I have an LP of approximately 14days because I had the butt pain on the 18th of September. The good news is that I am ovulating and things feel good hormone-wise, no extremes of highs and lows... the bad news is that my tubes may either be blocked (and the pressure of the egg trying to be forced through gives me butt pain) or my Dh's spermies don't have their microscopic heads screwed on properly which is why I may not be getting preggers. Although, admittedly, we only got to BD twice out of the 4 ovulatory cycles that I've had so far. So that’s not a very good yardstick.

Anyway, I feel so good I am hoping pregnancy will happen before the end of the year. Challenging as it is, I prefer permanent lifestyle changes to having to swallow pills for the rest of my life. I’m gradually reclaiming my body. It’s been an uphill struggle battling PCOS and TTC naturally but I feel great. I FINALLY HAVE AN HOUR GLASS FIGURE, LOST 5in on my waist, have a FLAT TUMMY! STUFF THAT PCOS, YOU CRAZY PSYCHOTIC BITCH!!!

Random Thoughts

 - My SIL and my niece and nephew came over for a 3 week holiday. Needless to say the house was full of the kinds of food that will mar the efforts of the most diligent PCOS'er dieter. They've left and I'm left with two extra pounds. I didn't even stuff my face, yet I still managed to pile on a kilo. Verily PCOS, thou art a bitch!

My weakness is not that I'm still in-love with carbs but that I hate to see food go to waste. I almost cry if I have to throw perfectly good food away simply because nobody wants it. Moping up food with my mouth once in a blue moon is not the same as doing it for weeks in a row. Lesson learnt! 

- Dh's gone again, leaving me frustrated in a way only a woman whose husband travels a lot while they are ttc and she's infertile can understand. Ever since we got married I don't think I've spent 6 straight months with my hubby. In the beginning I thought that was why we weren't getting pregnant before I was diagnosed with PCOS. I suppose I should stop moaning and thank God I have a husband in the first place. But that's not the point. The point is he sets me up for disappointment each time he returns just before I ov and I end up getting a bfn. I'm putting ttc on the backburner for now untill he gets a more stable job for the sake of my sanity. 

- Tomorrow is my first appointment with the fertility clinic. I hope I don't get told off for stopping Metformin. Some doctors can snort with derision at anything that isn't in their textbooks even if it works perfectly well. I'm curious to know if there is any hormonal improvements. 

Another day of people poking and prodding my lady bits *sigh* Ah well, beggars can't be choosers. 

I'll update on how it goes.

Ugh

It's annoying and depressing when the bloody witch shows up. I started cramping on Friday, spotting on Sunday, brown stuff on Monday then today (Tuesday) is when the proper af stuff started. So far so good. No clots, which is a HUGE relief.

Overall pms symptoms this month were mild to non-existent compared to last month. I had mild pains on the top sides of my bbs which is indicative of ovulation, so I'm happy with that. The only thing I'm not too happy about was the cramping which started to get bad on Friday and worse all throughout yesterday. I've been cramping on and off since I ov'd.

I have accepted that as long as I'm plagued by PCOS things will never be 'normal' for me. Every month will bring about a different set of symptoms and there will be no predictability as far as knowing what to expect is concerned. I know things generally change as you get older, I'm almost 30, so I know my period can't be the same as it was when I was in my teens and early twenties. Even so, this is kinda extreme!

This may sound crazy but I plan to rid myself of PCOS. I don't plan on suffering with it for the rest of my life. There have been debates about whether you can totally eliminate PCOS. My own thinking is if your hormones are all within normal range, you don't have poly cystic ovaries or excess androgens and you're ovulating regularly, can you still be said to have PCOS?

I can't help but think if only I can go back to my pre PCOS weight I'll be done with all these madness.

No PMS!

We PCOS'ers are so used to our bodies upping and doing foolish things. So much so that when our body actualy behaves the way a normal body is supposed to, we get suspicious. I know I do. Four days before AF and not a single PMS symptom. No achey boob, no extreme fatigue, no headaches banging away, no cravings, nothing! I feel serene, I can't believe it. Normally by this time I would want to lop off my bbs and throw them into the Thames, but they're behaving well. A tad swollen but no pain. Considering what I went through last month this is a miracle!

I was going to give myself at least 3 months, expecting my symptoms to gradually taper off with each month of treatment, but this is too sudden. I mean, I'm glad I don't have to to be wretched for almost two weeks before my periods, at the same time I'm wondering why my pms symptoms can stop abruptly. What wonder herb did the trick, eh?

I've been doing a lot of things and even more so this month it's hard to tell precisely what herb or deed did the trick. There's my TCM herbs which I didn't take as prescribed for fear of overwhelming my system. Could it be that the treatment that was meant for a week which I stretched out to three weeks is actually sufficient and we're being ripped off? Then there's the castor oil therapy and self massage. Is castor oil that potent I can put it forward as the miracle cure for HIV/AIDS without making a fool of myself? I also took flax seeds with my oats daily for almost two months, and after some research it turns out regular intake of flaxseed/linseed can reduce pms symptoms. I also regularly take apple cider vinegar (ACV) before every meal and cinnamon with meals. Could they all have done the trick?

So Far So Good

At roughly 8dpo last month I was an absolute mess. My hormones were all over the place giving the illusion that there was a bfp lurking around the corner. This time I feel great! None of those dodgy symptoms I had which has led me to conclude that my detox regiment has really paid off. Since I stopped Metformin I've had to resort to natural means of controlling my blood sugar. All my shakes, headaches and fatigue have disappeared! My regime consists of:

2 cups of spearmint tea daily
2 cups of green tea daily
1 teaspoon of cinnamon with every meal (or blended into fruit juice with apple cider vinegar)
1 tab of 200mg Chromium GTF daily
Self-massage + castor oil therapy on my lower abs every other day
Low fat, low carb, high fibre diet, plenty water
Oats + wheat bran for breakfast daily
An apple (or two) a day. Literally! (apples are great for controlling blood sugar)

And 20 mins of aerobic exercise which I haven't been able to do much of because of the fasting but that's pretty much what I've been doing this past month and the results so far are outstanding. Oh, and the Chinese herbs which I spaced out on alternate days with the castor oil because it's not generally encouraged to do herbs while detoxing. Plus, I didn't want to overwhelm my system.

Because PCOS is caused by hormonal malfeasance I have learnt not to read too much meaning into dpo symptoms. That being said the only thing I've been having are cramps in my lower abs which started 2 days ago. It hurts and is not something I can ignore but I'm not making much of it, could just be my utrs gearing up for af. My bbs don't feel sore or swollen either, THANK GOD! Energy levels are tip top. Considering what I went through last month I'm feeling on top of the world at the moment. My pms symptoms have always made a mess of me. This time around things seem to be in control, which means all my efforts are paying off.

I've stopped taking all my herbs, just to be on the safe side.