I should have known right from the beginning when the nurse stood beside me and told me to relax and breathe. She gave me that look... you know, the look you'd give a dog that was about to be put down. She might as well have said, 'It will sting like hell, so brace your self, fool.'
It started out like a typical pap smear. Except I was glad I didn't have to put my feet up on those 'women shaming' stirrups. When the dye was being pumped in that's when the shit hit the ceiling. The radiologist and the doctor had to stand back because the X-ray machine was on, so it was just me lying there screaming like they'd just shoved hot coal up my vag while there were looking on from a distance telling me to breathe and it will all be over in a minute.
Mehn! What pain... I'm still cringing from it... fuckety fuck!
It only lasted for about 30 seconds. But the intensity doubled every second as my womb filled up with the die. And when I couldn't take the pain any more, just when I thought I might get up and run out of there it suddenly stopped. It was over, no more pain and no cramping after that only some mild bleeding and the rest of the dye leeching through. I was completely fine, I might as well have had to run a marathon afterwards and it would have been fine by me.
I can tell you for me, personally, it was absolutely nothing like a period cramp! I'd take ten period cramps any day over a HSG.
The doctor was very vague about the results. I think he was just being diplomatic, lest I decide to jump in the path of an oncoming train because he declared my tubes were blocked. I guess he didn't want blood on his hands. He said it looked like the dye didn't go through completely, but that he really can't say much and he would prefer if I discussed the results with my specialist who will give me more detailed explanation of what just went down.
I've been depressed because I was hoping I was wrong even though I'd been suspecting that they may be blocked. Speaking with my mum really helped, and Pumpkin, thanks dear, it was nice coming home that day and reading your comment and venting, :) It was so shitty coming to a cold empty house with no Dh to comfort me. I'm sick of his work that requires him to travel all the time... another thing I pray changes this coming year.
I just know I will hold my baby in my arms someday. This is just another obstacle I have to scale. If I can beat PCOS and start ovulating on my own, surely I can beat this too!