Premenstrual Insomnia

In  my pre-PCOS and pre-PMS past, the only symptom I had of knowing my period was imminent was a pre-period insomnia. I didn't have any bbs pain, no fatigue and no cramps. I just know that for some reason, no matter how much sleeping pills I popped I would be unable to sleep the night before my period starts.

I've been reading online that it is caused by a rapid drop in progesterone, which happens if the egg is not fertilised. Progesterone is a relaxant, which is why a lot of women feel fatigued during their 2ww and which is why fatigue is commonly assosicated with PMS symptoms. Apparently some women can have it for days, but luckily I only have it for one day. And what's weird about mine is that I don't feel tired the following day. I don't feel like someone that spent the night listening to upstairs neighbours waking up to pee, and hearing the water flow down the pipes when they flush. If fact I wake up energetic!

Though I haven't had this in a while, I knew I had it coming yesterday night when by 2 am I was barely yawning.

I am blessed to have a lot of internal indicators that I don't need to rely on other means of determining whether or not I'm ovulating or indeed, whether or not my body is producing enough progesterone in my LP. My body is actually really good when it's behaving well. I can save money on OPK's and save time temping, not that I do either anyway.

At least now I know for sure that I AM ovulating and my body IS releasing an egg. Phew!

It's good news!

I'm out!

This is the exact same thing that happened last time. All my symptoms build up to a crescendo and 2 days to AF they disappear. I was so hoping that wouldn't be the case this month, but I woke up this morning and even my nipps are no longer painful. I don't feel anything at all, not even my PMS bbs pain. Absolutely nothing!

I was really hoping to get preggy this month, so I could share birthdays with my baby. Also, when I think of everything my Dh went through just so we could BD I believe the Universe owes us a BFP! (Don't ask what the universe can do for you, but what you can do for the universe, lol)

Ah well. I'm not going to cling unto false hopes this time, I'll just accept things and move on... start psyching msyelf for my HSG. I still shudder at the prospect of it though.

I'll update on how it goes.

*UPDATE*

Those sharp pains in my left pelvis are back. They put me to bed last night feeling miserable. It's been on and off since I woke up this morning. It's more pronounced when I'm walking or when I bend over while praying. Earlier today I climbed up a flight of stairs, when I got to the top I was doubled over in pain. It freaked me out! And I'm still freaked out. Probably a darn cyst or something. If it persists despite AF I'll have to book an appointment with my GP.

12 Dpo

Mehn, I want to chop off my nipps right about now. They hurt like hell when anything rubs up against them.

Bbs are fine. PMS bbs pain haven't started yet, but I suspect by the end of the day I'll start feeling it. My PMS bbs pain have been getting progressively milder by the month, so I wasn't expecting anything out of the ordinary. My energy levels are tip top, no fatigue.

I still get an occasional discomfort in my lower abs and also some very mild, only-noticeable-because-I'm-paying-close-attention-to-my-body, butt pain. I did get a feeling earlier on that made me curse because I thought a UTI imminent, when I'd just finished battling one about a month ago, but it turned out to be nothing.

There are other symptoms that I've been having but I'm only noting them down for future reference. In case this cycle turns out to be a bust, and I have the same symptoms in future I won't read too many meanings into it and get my hopes up.

Constipation - for the amount of cups of tea I drink and the amount of fibre I eat, I was unpleasantly surprised to feel constipated these past couple of days.

Funny taste in the mouth - no, it's not the proverbial "metallic taste", I'm not that ambitious.

Craving - just one craving, on one particular day. About two days ago I just HAD TO HAVE CHOCOLATE! I so craved it the mere thought of it had me salivating. It was a one off thing, I love chocolate but since I went Low GI I haven't had cravings.

Peeing - yesterday I peed like a fish (if fish pee, that is). I woke up 3 times during the night to pee, I just couldn't seem to empty my bladder.

Itchy bbs and nipps - felt it for a couple of days, lasted a few seconds.

Palpitations - I felt heart palpitations while making Dh's dinner earlier.

That's all for now. I'm not going to POAS until I've missed a period. Not gonna waste my money... I've been there, done that.

Still, fingers crossed. Hoping and praying this is my month. Ya Allah!

I Must Be Doing A Few Things Right!

My scan went well. There is dramatic improvement on my right ovary, but my left ovary is still poly-cystic although both are not as heavily poly-cystic as they were in May. Clearly I'm doing a few things right! I'm more motivated than ever now to keep up my current lifestyle. 

There is hope that I can completely rid myself of poly-cystic ovaries. Woot!

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Another improvement to shout about - my periods have gone from 35/36 days to 31 days! Just 3 days shy of the proverbial 'normal' cycle *gloat*

And also, my ovulation pain have gone from crippling butt pain that I can't sit or poop to mild butt pain. 

It's improvements all around... except for the darn pregnancy thing... ugh!

Which brings me to the 2ww front, nothing new to report, unfortunately (or fortunately). It's 5dpo and I feel my usual self, except that my nipples are painful to the touch and I feel a little fatigued. The last time I had nipple pain was in 2008, when I thought I was pregggy. Didn't get my period in three months then had a massive bleed that went on forever. Of course I'm not pinning my hopes on a pair of tender nipps because for some weird reason, they've been tender even before I ov'd. I'm not sure if it's because I stopped drinking my Spearmint Tea or if it's because I had a mad craving for soy milk earlier in my cycle - both could explain the high levels of estrogen, hence the tender nipps. 

I have been thinking about how women (myself included) indulge in 2ww obsessions, even though in reality  most women don't know they are preggy until about 4 - 6 weeks. My best friend who is 4 months preggy has not had a single symptom to date - no nausea, no dodgy breast pain, no fatigue, nothing. I know, I know, every woman is different, yada yada yada... 

I just wonder if we're stressing ourselves for nothing. What if we are among those asymptomatic women? Then again, I think, women who don't have problems trying to conceive don't really pay much attention to their bodies. Some things are easy to miss unless they are unusual. So, they may very well have had 'some' symptoms which they didn't pay any attention to. 

So, to every woman her obsession!

In any case, I honestly believe one or both of my tubes are blocked and that's why I'm not getting preggy. Can't wait for my HSG next month. If after that I still don't get preggy, THEN I will happily and guiltlessly throw myself against the wall when I get my period.

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Finally, you know how women often say they had vivid dreams about having a baby in their 2ww. Well, I had mine last night. And typical of my dreams, it was quite bizarre. I dreamt that I was driving past a field of cows somewhere in America, which also happened to be a children's park here in London which had playground with kids playing in it. Then the cows simultaneously started giving birth. 

But the cows weren't giving birth to calves, they were birthing fully grown men. As soon as the first 'man baby' popped out, a bunch of American military men swooped in and surrounded the area. The 'man baby' was covered in a jelly like substance and the umbilical chord was still attached to the mama cow. Then one of the military men rushed up to him, wiped the goo off his mouth and the 'man baby' began to state the precise location he was in. He mentioned the latitude and longitude and how much distance was from the sea. Then the military man nodded his head and shouted, 'This one is fully formed!', and then some other military men came and carted him away... and thats when I woke up. 

It was so vivid I can still see everything clearly. Spooky! *shrugs* 

Quick Update

I know I haven’t been blogging as often as I should or reading all the blogs on my blogroll, I apologize ladies, J I’ve been buried under a ton of personal stuff. Mehn… stress DOES kill!

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I got a message from the hospital last week saying I should call them back immediately. I was scared shitless as to why they would be calling, and when I couldn’t get through all sorts of thoughts were going through my head. They finally called back just to ask if I could come in earlier than my scheduled appointment date for a scan and a blood test. I was so relieved I said yes. It just so happened when they called I was rushing my husband to the Accident and Emergency so I couldn’t ask why, guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

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My HSG has been scheduled for 8^th of November. I honestly don’t know what to expect. Every woman reacts differently to HSG with pain thresholds ranging from mild period-like cramps to extreme labour cramps. At this point I really don’t care how painful it’s going to get, as long as it unblocks any inherent blockages. (I lie, haha… I’ll put up with temporary pain, I just pray it doesn’t follow me home and stay the night).

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And finally, I ov’d on the 17^th, technically today is 2DPO. I started feeling bloated in my lower abdomen after doing a wee earlier this evening. It feels heavy and quite uncomfortable, but could just be gas. Other than that and I’m trying not to think about it and going about my usual business. This month has been a crazy month, to be honest I don’t have high hopes of getting preggy. If it happens, it happens. 

October 2010

I wish I was one of those people that disappear from their blogs for a while then come back and report that they are pregnant or that all their dreams have come true or they're finally as thin as a celery stick, etc. Sadly that is not to be the case. I haven't blogged in ages because I've been trying to keep my head above water. A lot of shittty things have been happening to me lately, been trying not to get sucked into the vortex of depression, among others. But I still thank God for all I’m blessed with. I have a handle on it now, hopefully.

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To continue where I left off. My last appointment at the fertility clinic went well. They took my history and gave me dates to come in for blood tests, HSG and an intra-vag ultrasound.

The first blood test on CD28 was last week Monday. Unfortunately the second test which was supposed to be on CD2 fell on Saturday so I will have to postpone it until next month and pray it doesn't fall on a weekend again. I have sent them an email to book an appointment for the HSG, waiting to hear from them tomorrow.

My scan is in Nov and then we have the first follow up appointment in Jan 2011 to review all our test results and plan where to go from there. 

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On a positive front - several positive fronts, actually - I've started losing weight again and getting closer to my target weight. Yey! This is months after Met screwed up everything for me. I started Tae Bo and its no coincidence that my period has gone from 35/36 days to 32days this month. I pray it's not just a fluke.

At some point fatigue began to rear it’s ugly head, no thanks to the depression. I started sleeping for more than 16 hrs daily, and still was feeling tired. I refused to entertain it though. I absolutely refused to regress after all those months of hard work!

So I researched online for herbal remedies to boost thyroid function, came across Kelp and marched my still thundery thighs down to the pharmacy to get me some.  I take it before every meal. I also take coconut oil daily to boost metabolism. I had to literally force myself to work out, I felt dizzy at times, but the weight is coming off and my energy levels are going back up. Now my body actually craves exercise.... I start to feel funny on days when I don't work out! What's amazing is that I've only been doing Tae Bo for a few weeks, I'm not even able to complete the whole session, yet my arms are already showing definition. My biceps are hard, yo! 

I didn't do much herbs last month. Nutritionally all I did was boost my fibre intake. I now combine my daily oats breakfast routine with wheat bran and oat bran and of course, cinnamon. I take two tablespoons of raw flaxseeds - soaked in hot water for at least 30minutes to soften 'em up then chew like a mofo (excellent jawxercise, lol) tastes great, actually.

I started Psyllium husk - just one teaspoon in a large cup of water. Women are recommended to take flax seeds the first half of their cycle before ovulation and sesame seed in the second half. I take my flaxseed daily except for when I'm on my period, then I just take only a teaspoon with my morning oats. 

I noticed as long as I don't touch refined foods I don't 'struggle' with my weight. But as soon as I start eating those things, even if I eat it in tiny quantities, or I eat say, white rice with tonnes of veggies, I still struggle. I eat only brown rice these days and whole wheat bread. 

I only did the castor oil therapy a couple of times when I felt ovarian pain after ovulation. 

The only PMS symptom I had was the pain on the sides of my bbs, but they appeared a few days before AF and disappeared as soon as AF started. Here are a list of other PCOS and PMS symptoms I used to have, but no longer have:

• Acne (my face, back, bum and chest are still marked by its evil scars!)
• Oily skin
• Dodgy hairs on my chest and chesticles
• Bleeding or spotting in-between periods and after BD
• Irregular or absent periods
• Long periods - that last about 7 days
• Heavy periods with ginormous clots and painful cramps
• Lack of ovulation
• Sweet tooth and craving for carbs
• Extreme PMS symptoms

Thankfully things are more 'normal' now. I have an LP of approximately 14days because I had the butt pain on the 18th of September. The good news is that I am ovulating and things feel good hormone-wise, no extremes of highs and lows... the bad news is that my tubes may either be blocked (and the pressure of the egg trying to be forced through gives me butt pain) or my Dh's spermies don't have their microscopic heads screwed on properly which is why I may not be getting preggers. Although, admittedly, we only got to BD twice out of the 4 ovulatory cycles that I've had so far. So that’s not a very good yardstick.

Anyway, I feel so good I am hoping pregnancy will happen before the end of the year. Challenging as it is, I prefer permanent lifestyle changes to having to swallow pills for the rest of my life. I’m gradually reclaiming my body. It’s been an uphill struggle battling PCOS and TTC naturally but I feel great. I FINALLY HAVE AN HOUR GLASS FIGURE, LOST 5in on my waist, have a FLAT TUMMY! STUFF THAT PCOS, YOU CRAZY PSYCHOTIC BITCH!!!