12dpo... BFN!

I thought all my symptoms had disappeared but there seems to be a rhythm to them. Since my sleep cycle is messed up (I sleep from 4am to noon) I think my circadian rhythm is out of whack. One thing is for sure I'm still having symptoms that I am absolutely not making up. They vary in intensity and frequency from day to day.

- heavy, full, painful bbs. I sometimes feel a 'pinch' or a sensation that can best be described as electric currents running through certain parts, or just maybe a particular vein throbbing somewhere under the skin. The stretch marks on my bbs are more prominent.

- extreme fatigue. I'm useless during the day. My business has taken a nosedive as a result

- lower abdominal bloating

- I had af-like cramping yesterday, made me think she was coming, but then she didn't. Otherwise its just a pulling, stabbing pain, especially after I've just eaten.

- headaches that haunt my waking existence

- lack of appetite. I literally have to force myself to eat.

- gassy. I've been expelling deep guttural belches up and down the house like the proverbial inebriated sailor. As far as Dh is concerned I've lost all vestiges of womanliness.

- a flu that refuses to manifest into a full blown flu going on a week now. I get stuffed nose when I wake up and runny nose during the day

- I often alternate between feeling hot and cold. The dodgy feeling in my throat is still very much there. Yesterday morning I gagged and threw up while brushing my teeth

- nausea. On and off, not to the point of throwing up, just uncomfortable

- heightened sense of smell. Thankfully it only lasts for about 10 minutes, and I only experienced it yesterday and a couple of days prior. I almost gagged in the bus when peoples breath was for some reason magnified beyond what an ordinary person should smell. When the smell hit me I gagged and jumped out of my seat. I just hope the guy I sat next to didn't think I was a racist or some religious freak with a sudden pang of guilt.

- weepy. While I was waiting at the bus stop a man walked past me. I didn't think much of him until I saw him again 5 stops away. I figured he was too poor to afford a bus ride, felt sorry for him and started crying. I'm not a hard women, neither am I exactly 'in tune' with my emotions. So I found that strange.

- otherness. I feel like I'm not myself, like someone else has entered my skin and is living as me. I know it's weird, but that's how I feel. I feel uncomfortable, short tempered, impatient and everything irritates me. Dh bears the brunt of it all. I felt like punching him yesterday, poor guy.

Icky as I feel, so far all my hpt's are negative. I'm still hoping, although at the back of my mind I won't believe anything until I get a positive confirmation. I keep thinking I'm either suffering from the worst PMS symptoms in the history of my 28yr existence on earth or my hcg is still too low to be picked up by my supposedly sensitive test-from-the-first-day-you-feel-pregnant hpt's. Sheesh!