Saturday, 17 July 2010

4dpo... err... I meant 3dpo!

I actually think I ov on Tuesday 13th, so I'm 3dpo. I started having the pain in the butt again today and felt some fluttering in my lower abdomen. It could be nothing. I mean, when you're 'expecting' something every single detail is registered. It's probable I felt the same last month but didn't pay any attention because I wasn't 'expecting' anything. But to be on the safe side, I've stopped taking all my herbs. Just my folic acid and multivits, eating healthy and doing what I've been doing for the past 5 months.   

To be honest I won't be surprised if I get a bfn because we hadn't done the bd in over a month and Dh got back on Sunday, so we did the bd on Sunday and Tuesday. I didn't want us doing it everyday because it turns out he has low sperm count!!!!!! This came as a surprise because he told me everything was okay. I insisted that I had to see the test results myself; he's got just 6 million; that's below half of 'normal' (20 million). I couldn't believe my eyes! 

Where in the world is that 'okay'????? I'm such an idiot. I so wanted to believe everything was okay I didn't bother asking what the figures were. I was pissed off, I still am pissed off, but I'm keeping it in because that will be counter productive. If I had let it rip we'd have ended up having a huge fight and not doing any bd, and Lord knows we can go for days without talking to each other when that happens.

It could be attributed to stress, says the doc, if that's the case (and I hope it is) then there is still hope. We've both been under an incredible amount of stress lately, I'm even surprised I ov in spite of it. It turned out my crippling headaches were stress related not met related because all my blood work came back normal.

It's been bad, seriously, there was a point last month when we thought we wouldn't have a roof over our heads this month. But our prayers were answered at the last minute. The financial crisis hit us HARD. Things have been tough with a capital T. Makes me wonder if I'll have the emotional countenance to carry a child through this trying period. 

I pray for strength!

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